A Serious Violation of Personal Space

This morning, a stranger rang and rang and rang my doorbell frantically at 10:45AM. I have a policy of not answering my door if I am not expecting someone. Call me paranoid, but when I am alone in the house, I am not going to open my door to a stranger. Most people knocking are either trying to sell something or trying to sell something under the guise of getting you to "sign a petition." No thanks. I gave at the office. If someone I know is there, I will open it however.

I have heard all the horror stories of people being killed, raped, robbed, etc. by opening their door up to a stranger. Now, I live in suburbia, mind you. Manicured lawns, trees, driveways with pretty mailboxes all surround my safe neighborhood. But it is not a gated community and most of my neighbors are not home during the day. Being in suburbia can lull people into a false sense of security sometimes.

With that in mind, I did not answer the door. The next thing I know, I saw a stranger open the fence to my backyard, come in and sprint up onto my deck and begin pounding on my back french door. I was standing in the room where the french door is and was started to see a stranger motioning for me to open the door! Was he f*&^ing kidding? As if!! So I said to him, "get out of my yard." He asked if I could hear him. I could. He asked if I had the Mustang that was for sale and if my house was for sale. I told him no and no. He asked if this was Whipple Street. Could he not read the large road sign at the end of the street or the name of the street on my mailbox? Again, I said no and repeated, get out of my yard NOW.

He bolted off the porch, walked through my gate, through my front yard and got in a car around the corner and drove off. This man gave me the creeps. He was dressed for another season. He had a heavy NY accent, long leather jacket (it was 65 degrees out) and sunglasses. He clearly stuck out in Suburban Massachusetts. Maybe he was just rude or stupid, but maybe he was up to no good, casing the joint. There's my criminal justice degree working in my head!

I was about to be on my way to an appointment at the time this happened but was hesitant to leave my poor Lily alone after the incident. I did go and when I got home all seemed ok.

In analyzing this episode of weirdness, I came to this conclusion. I was STARTLED by the rudeness of this man. My fenced in back yard is my personal space. Nobody is allowed in my FENCED yard unless they are invited and I know them. For him to just fly into my backyard felt really wrong. So either he was totally clueless regarding manners,or he didn't give a crap and did it anyway. He was anxious to talk to whoever he thought was home.

I was also a little scared. I don't own a gun. I am not a gun advocate; not a member of the NRA. I hate gun violence and I think a society where civilians don't posses any guns would be a much less violent society. That being said, I really wish I had a piece to wave at this jerk's face today!! Go ahead punk, make my day. I don't like feeling threatened in any way and maybe this was a totally innocent, rude mistake by some ill mannered idiot, but for a brief moment, I became alarmed.

This to me was an example of somebody crossing the line of personal space. A person's house and the surrounding property, particularly if it is enclosed with fencing, are an extension of their personal space. Mine was violated today.

We have all spoken to people who have no clue about personal space. They are the ones that stand a little too close, speak with their head too close to your head, stand too close for comfort while in a line, put their things too close to your things in the airport queue. We have all experienced these people and let's face it, they make us uncomfortable.

One other issue clearly in play here today was manners. I really think that even if a person knows what is proper, many times they don't' follow the protocol because they are too lazy or just don't care. This ultimately leads to chaos and misunderstandings. Maybe this intruder just didn't care and was only thinking of whatever information he needed and didn't give a thought to invading my yard. If so, shame on him. More people need to be conscious of etiquette and what is proper.

If you want to be in my yard, my husband, my kids or I need to invite you or to have hired you to do some work in the yard. I always have this policy. You know that if some stranger fell and got hurt in my yard they would sue me for sure! This is not primarily why I have the policy I have. I want people to do the right thing. This is not a mi casa es su casa situation. My property is for my family and my close friends but that is all. We do not live in a commune or a collective. I don't want to have to be responsible for anyone that I did not allow to be in my yard.

So to summarize, the intruder was either very rude or a potential criminal. Either way, I am not happy about it. He had a hell of a nerve doing what he did. Next time, I will look around and try to grab whatever weapon I can find in the family room and adjacent kitchen to fend him off. Today, that would have included one of several vases, lamps, a full laundry basket, a baseball bat, and a tool holder full of Pampered Chef tools and a block of kitchen knives. So watch out rude man! I am on to you now and I am packing rolling pin!!