What is with this explosion of Extreme Parenting? Some of the things read about boggle my mind. Currently in the news is the story of 16 year old Abby Sunderland, a girl who wanted to become the first 16 year old girl to sail around the world solo. A few days ago, as she continued on her journey, her family lost contact with her (satellite phone) and the Coast Guard in the Indian Ocean region picked up a distress signal from her. That meant that either her boat had sunk or she was overboard in a life raft. I bet her parents felt really smart at that moment. Abby was saved yesterday by a French fishing vessel in the middle of the Indian Ocean in the middle of the stormy season.
What goes through the mind of a parent encouraging their daughter to sail around the world alone at age 16? Do they love her? Are they so bent on the theory of "you can do ANYTHING you want to in life" that they lose perspective about danger and consequences? This theory is echoed again and again...first kid to climb Everest, first kid to climb tallest mountain on all 7 continents, first kid to fly a plane coast to coast, and on and on and on. Are these people living in some warped version of the Guiness Book of World records? Is this just a more extreme example of parents that push their kids so hard into sports because they themselves wished they had been the star quarterback or captain of the Football team? This is a version of living vicariously that is both dangerous and reckless.
New information on the Abby Sunderland saga is that her father had signed a deal to sell his (her) story to a reality show and was in the process of filming when Abby's signal was lost. Do we smell a rat here? Was he jeopardizing his daughter's life to make a buck? What a monster!
It is so true, and also obvious that you don't have to pass any test to become a parent. You don't have to be screened before you get pregnant. You don't even have to be sane to become a parent. It is a purely biological process. Too bad for the children that you don't have to be screened. There would be far fewer bad parents and far less child abuse and neglect if you had to pass some kind of competency test in order to bring your baby home from the hospital. Every week we hear awful stories of parents leaving kids in hot cars, shaking babies to get them to quiet down, leaving toddlers alone in apartments to fend for themselves while Mom goes out to a bar to get hammered. These are examples of bad parenting, ordinary bad parenting. This is slightly below the level of Abby Sunderland's parents, but none the less dangerous. The run of the mill bad parents are just ignorant, or stupid. The Sunderlands have knowingly exploited their daughters life to make a buck and that is really disturbing.
A while back there was a sudden upsurge in the number of "kids" piloting planes across the country. Who can be the youngest, who can fly the furthest, who is the best, etc. Then there was an accident, and a young pilot, Jessica Dubroff (age 7!!!!), her Dad, and flight instructor were killed. Jessica had been at the controls at the time of the accident. That child piloting fad died down as a result. Maybe that accident made parents rethink sending junior up into the wild blue yonder he was too young to drive, or smoke, or vote, or stay out late at night, or go to middle school.
A lot of these daring pilots, sailors, climbers, extreme sportsmen, all children, have set amazing goals for themselves and have succeeded at achieving them but, at what cost? What if they failed and died, or were maimed in their attempt? Would it have been worth it? How would their parents have felt about their decisions then? And what happens when you do something so dangerous, and succeed; you have your 15 minutes of fame...then what? Either you have just had the ultimate peak moment of your life (so young) or you will seek to do something slightly harder, more dangerous to one up yourself. Both of those options are lousy. For a scant few people, these experiences can lead to a lifetime of leadership, responsibility, and greatness. But unfortunately, those people are rare indeed. Think of Hollywood, and the music world. How many young sensations flame out, die of drug overdoses, suicides, never learn to deal with being famous or great. That seems to be more the norm than the exception.
It is very different story when your 20 year old wants to compete in a dangerous sport or participate in some extreme games. They are old enough to decide for themselves and understand what consequences they could face. All a 7 year old pilot is thinking of is "won't Daddy be proud of me and won't I be famous when I get done flying this plane." She cannot be anticipating the horror of potentially killing all of them because her brain is not sufficiently developed to understand the concept of consequences of your actions.
I am sure with the rush of new reality shows every year there will be more and worse examples of extreme parenting to come. (think balloon boy and his whack job parents.) Everyone likes to push the envelope further and further, but more than that they like to get paid more and more.
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