What do you say to a early 20 something male who thinks he is invincible, despite evidence to the contrary all around him? What do you say to this boy who came within a very slim margin of killing his close friend, your 20 something son, due to his illusion of immortality?
This past weekend, my 20 year old son was traveling in a car driven by his long time close friend. They were entering the highway and another car was trying to enter at the same time, coming from the other side of the entrance ramp. My son's friend had the right of way, although the other driver didn't care. He attempted to cut them off and get ahead of them on the entrance ramp. Thus began a short, but almost deadly, episode of road rage. As the cars merged onto the highway, both cars were jockeying to get ahead of each other. Finally a short distance before the next exit, the rival car swerved in front of the car driven by my son's friend, and jammed on his breaks. Yup, he jammed on his breaks in the fast lane of an interstate highway for NO REASON other than to piss off my son's friend. As a result of this break slam, my son and his friend careened into the back of that car.
My son and his friend were in a good sized Volvo luckily, but going 65+ miles/hr and slamming into the back of a Nissan Murano will do considerable damage to any car. The Volvo sustained significant front end damage and a cracked windshield. Both front air bags deployed. The Nissan didn't fare as well. The back end was wrecked, the back axle gone. The driver of the Nissan decided, as many amoral people do these days, to flee the scene. Karma bit him almost instantly however. His car broke down on the exit ramp, a very short distance from the accident scene. A state trooper was interviewing my son and his friend about the incident and got a radio call that the missing car in question was less than 1/4 mile away from where they were. The other driver was driving a friend's car and was on an expired license. His bad. And he almost killed my son. HIS VERY VERY BAD. He better not meet me in a dark alley. My former kick boxing skills might come into play on his face. Oh and did I forget to mention, this man is 75 years old? Some body's grandpa almost killed my son on purpose!!!!
Back to my son and his friend. Both of them were ok. Neither one was injured although they were shaken up. To that end I say, GOOD. They needed to be shaken up; my son's friend especially; he should not be getting into these skirmishes on the highway or in the car at all. These days, you just don't know who you are dealing with on the road. It could be that other teen driver that has been playing too many video racing games, could be that person that just can's stop texting no matter what and is not even looking to see where she is going, could be that person that has nothing to live for and has his hunting rifle on the front seat of his truck. It is really a crap shoot when you engage anyone on the road in this way.
I am angry that anyone would willingly choose to endanger others or not even think about the fact that they are endangering others while they are indulging their inner warrior. This man could have killed not only my son and his friend, he could have hurt other drivers around them that had nothing to do with the whole incident. I am really mad at him for that.
I am irate at my son's friend. He has not grown out of that teenage mentality that you can do anything and never get hurt even though he and my son were acquainted with a co worker that died in a senseless car crash 2 years ago. They saw first hand that you can't always do anything. What do I say to my son's friend to express my outrage that he would put my son's life on the line so callously? Is that a real friend? I thought a friend is someone who helps you, who bolsters you, who protects you if they can? And how do I insure that he won't take this same kind of chance the next time someone pisses him off in the car?
My worst fear has been realized and luckily for us, it did not have a disastrous end. I had been constantly worried about my son being in a car when this friend was the driver. My instincts told me that this boy was taking senseless risks all the time and that my son could be caught in the crossfire. Parents, trust your instincts. If you are worried about your kids hanging out with certain kids, you are probably right on target. You have strong protective instincts. You can't protect them from everything, and you can't pick their friends for them, but if you are concerned about a similar brand of behavior, i.e. the immortal teenage boy mentality, it is for good reason. These boys have to actually survive their own poor instincts until they are 25 or 26, until their brain development is complete and this attitude begins to die down. Accidents are the leading cause of death for males in this age group and it is no wonder why. If you think nothing can hurt you, you will speed, drive aggressively and show off until you are shown otherwise.
So to answer my own query, what would I say to my son's friend If we were face to face?
* If you are really a friend, you will never put (my son) in danger because of your carelessness or your ego again
*If you cared about your parents and your brother at all, you will never do this to them again
*If you cared at all about innocent bystanders you would never engage in this behavior again
*If you want to live to see 25, you need to mellow out, get a better life plan, and realize bad things can and do happen and they will happen to you more if you are reckless.
*If I ever find out that you knowingly put my son in danger again, I will be your worst nightmare. I didn't raise him for 20 years just for him to die because he chose his friends poorly. I do care and I will haunt you for all of your days if anything like this ever goes down again.
Hopefully he will then run from me, scared and repentant. That is what I would like to see. But, I would settle for my son to decide not to be a passenger while his friend is the driver anymore. In reality, I am probably going to have to continue to worry about this after the friend replaces his car. All I can do is hope is that he has learned some degree of a lesson here.
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